Your body tells you to do…

Impossible dances

Your body tells you to do…

It doesn’t matter if you have orthopaedic aids, an unquenchable thirst for attention or if you simply want to have a laugh: dancing is in your genes. The weekend starts and you want to take the load off, you feel like going out and you’re fed up with the same old, same old. What to do? Here are a few new, weird or impossible dance moves to break the routine. Some need preparation, for other you just need to have guts, but all of them can turn you into the queen or king of the dancefloor for a moment. Our favourite dance routines of the past two decades are :


This is an invention of the good people at Modular, something to promote the new house hit of one of their latest signings, Beni. In order to hype up “It’s A Bubble”, they made a viral features this new (and we don’t know if it’s fake) dance, which has lot of folkloric-like hand movements going on. And it’s even better with a French accent.

2. Vogueing

Stand in front of an imaginary camera and strike the pose, dislocating your bones. Madonna, a great underground scene archaeologist, recovered the dance in 1990 which was in, err, vogue, decades before in the clubs in Harlem. Some of her imitators ended up in hospital after trying to mimic here, which only adds to the legend.

3. Tektonic

Back in 2007, when you were a nobody if you didn’t leave a trace of epileptics behind because of your glo-fi clothes, tektonic became a symbol on the streets of Paris, especially in the suburbs. Its excessive moves, partly inherited from certain types of breakdance but without the need to eat dust, came and went in the blink of an eye, but we’ll always have the video of the remix of Yelle’s “A Cause De Garçons”.

4. Footwork

We get dizzy just from watching it, but footwork has become one of the most emblematic dances on the Chicago scene, thanks to the rise of juke, a sound meant specifically for leg-twisting dancing and which has managed to keep the fire of eighties crew House-O-Matics burning. Suffice to say that the clumsy and poorly balanced will always have to look on from the sides. Here’s one of the numerous footwork for dummies tutorials to be found online.

5. Shuffle

With acid house ruling the nineties, a group of Australians introduced the world to the so-called “Melbourne Shuffle”, a routine featuring dizzying sidesteps. Under its original name or with different labels (jacking, shuffling or stepping, to name but a few), it’s still very much alive. We leave you with some instructions so you can do the thing next Christmas. Your Christmas bonus will be guaranteed.

6. Macarena

Paella, sangría and serrano ham are some of the biggest export products of Spain. But let's not forget Los Del Rio’s "Macarena", a truly worldwide hit from 1995. A song that causes embarrassment, with choreography that is synonymous to living by one’s wits.

7. Saturday Night

It was the summer of 1993. A young Danish girl called Whigfield came to the Mediterranean coast with her “Saturday Night” and became the biggest star of the beach bars and tacky clubs. Thanks to her, we all felt like Moscow Ballet dancers, young and old. It still plays every now and then, thanks to the post-modern hipsters, we still go crazy for it. Beyond mythical.

8. Jumpstyle

Before tektonik, jumpstyle took control over the bodies of the Dutch and Belgian tourists with the shortest hair and most toned bodies. It can be danced alone or in groups, and it’s a reformed and slightly less kitschy version of the Russian trepak dance. The hooligans invading the Mediterranean beach clubs after taking in massive amounts of very bad alcohol do it, too, but less stylishly. And we have to admit: the bond between people becomes stronger thanks to this dance.

9. Perreo

Those who haven’t suffered the perreo raise their hands now. The natural evolution of human kind lost all of its meaning when reggaeton started to spread like a virus. With it came the perreo (“booty dancing” they call it in the U.S.), and a legion of horny blokes took the opportunity to rub up against the first string-showing lady they saw. We try to get it out of our heads, but there’s still a lot of people doing it. Because, deep down, we all like the dirty stuff.

10. Rabissaca

We were astonished when we discovered the rabissaca, the phenomenon that made the gay community of Brazil come out and show their wigs or natural hair. The objective is clear: to dazzle the crowd moving your head as if you were trying to let it fly off. In spite of the health risks, we can’t stop watching the competition broadcast a couple of months ago on Brazilian television.

The dancefloor and streets are a hotbed of revolutions. Over the past few decades, some impossible dance routines have been invented which we want to highlight here for the weekend. These are the most painful ones.

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